I Wish I Could Play Little League

People Teach Their Dogs To Sit; It's A Trick. I've Been Sitting My Whole Life, And A Dog Has Never Looked At Me As Though He Thought I Was Tricky.

A Fly Was Very Close To Being Called A Land, Because That's What It Does Half The Time.

I Can Read Minds, But I'm Illiterate.

Kittens Play With Yarn, They Bat It Around. What They're Really Doing Is Saying, "i Can't Knit, Get This Away From Me!"

I Hate Turkeys. If You Go To The Grocery Store, You Start To Get Mad At Turkeys. You See Turkey Ham, Turkey Bologna, Turkey Pastrami. Somebody Just Needs To Tell The Turkeys, "man, Just Be Yourselves!" I Already Like You, Little Fella. I Used To Draw You. If You Had A Couple Of Fingers Missing, You Would Draw A Really Messed-up Turkey. That Turkey Was In An Accident!