I Was Going To Start Off Tonight

In The Spirit Of The Olympic Games, They Traditionally Ask That All Fighting And Warfare Around The World Stop. So, There's Hope For A Ceasefire Within The Jackson Family.

Yesterday, Saddam Hussein Got 100 Percent Of The Vote. Well, That's According To Saddam's Campaign Manager, Jeb Hussein.

There Are Now Reports That President Obama Will Name Massachusetts Senator John Kerry To Be The Next Secretary Of Defense. Apparently This Is Part Of America's New Defense Strategy To Bore Our Enemies To Death.

The Games Haven't Even Started Yet And Already There Are People Complaining About The Horrible Accommodations At The Sochi Olympic Village. Toilets Don't Flush. The Faucets Spew Discolored Water. They Say It's Like Being On A Royal Caribbean Cruise.

America Online Customers Are Upset Because The Company Has Decided To Allow Advertising In Its Chat Rooms. I Can See Why: You Got Computer Sex, You Can Download Pornography, People Are Making Dates With 10 Year-olds. Hey, What's This? A Pepsi Ad? They're Ruining The Integrity Of The Internet!