I Was Going To Start Off Tonight

If Any Job Should Give You A Company Car, It's The Car Bomb Business.

According To Government Auditors, The Stimulus Money Is Being Held Up Because There Aren't Enough Government Workers To Oversee The Spending. So Follow Me, In Other Words, Government Workers Who Aren't There Are Needed To Spend Money We Don't Have To Create Jobs That Don't Exist.

Neural Scientists At M.i.t. Say They Can Plant False Memories In Your Brain. No, That Is Not New. Politicians Have Been Doing That For Years. They’re Called Campaign Promises.

When They Said "make Love, Not War" At Woodstock, They Never Imagined That One Would Become As Dangerous As The Other.

The First Case Of Mad Cow Disease Since 2006 Was Discovered Right Here In The United States. The Good News, Since The Cow Is In California, Instead Of Putting The Cow Down, They Are Going To Enroll Him In Anger Management Classes.