I Was At Michael Jackson's House, And

Being A Comedian Is A Lot Like Being An Athlete. If You're Carl Lewis And You're The Fastest, Then No Matter What You're The Fastest.

I Just Remember That Whenever I Got Really Mad Or Passionate, Like In An Argument, People Would Laugh, And I'd Be Dead Serious. It Would Happen A Lot. So It Was Like, Gee, I've Got Something Here.

You Got A Gun, You Don't Have To Work Out.

So, To Say Obama Is Progress Is Saying That He’s The First Black Person That Is Qualified To Be President. That’s Not Black Progress. That’s White Progress. There’s Been Black People Qualified To Be President For Hundreds Of Years. The Question Is, You Know, My Kids Are Smart, Educated, Beautiful, Polite Children. There Have Been Smart, Educated, Beautiful, Polite Black Children For Hundreds Of Years. The Advantage That My Children Have Is That My Children Are Encountering The Nicest White People That America Has Ever Produced. Let’s Hope America Keeps Producing Nicer White People.

I Was At Michael Jackson's House, And This Kid Runs Out, 'wait, Save Me!'