I Was Almost Put Out Of Business

In Every Big City There Is Always One Surefire Laugh, And That Lies In Hanging Some Piece Of Idiocy Upon The People Of A Nearby City Or Town.

I Certainly Do Not Drink All The Time. I Have To Sleep You Know.

The Funniest Thing A Comedian Can Do Is Not Do It.

Children Should Neither Be Seen Or Heard From - Ever Again.

Just Like My Uncle Charlie Used To Say, Just Before He Sprung The Trap: He Said, "you Can't Cheat And Honest Man! Never Give A Sucker An Even Break Or Smarten Up A Chump!