I Don't Have To Attend Every Argument

I Have Spent A Lot Of Time Searching Through The Bible For Loopholes.

The Movie People Would Have Nothing To Do With Me Until They Heard Me Speak In A Broadway Play, Then They All Wanted To Sign Me For The Silent Movies.

I Never Worry About Being Driven To Drink; I Just Worry About Being Driven Home.

A Woman Drove Me To Drink And I Didn't Even Have The Decency To Thank Her.

I've Been Barbecued, Stewed, Screwed, Tattooed, And Fried By People Claiming To Be My Friends. The Human Race Has Gone Backward, Not Forward, Since The Days We Were Apes Swinging Through The Trees.