I Wanted To Be A Brain Surgeon,

Well, I Play Jews And Parrots. Parrots Are How I've Branched Out.

You Can Say "ass," But You Can't Say "asshole." That's Why I Always Cringe When A Character In A Tv Show Refers To Someone As An "ass." Unless You're British, Calling Someone An Ass Really Doesn't Work. But Those Are The Rules Of Television. You Can Be A Dirtbag, But Not A Scumbag.

I Always Feel That Most Political Jokes, If You're Going To Do Them, You Have To Do Them Within The Next Five Minutes, Or Else They're Outdated. By The Time You've Got It To The Point That It's Strong, It Would Be 12 Years Old.

I'm Used To Explaining To People Why My Jokes Were Funny.

A Landlord Is Showing A Couple Around An Apartment. The Husband Looks Up And Says, 'wait A Minute. This Apartment Doesn't Have A Ceiling.' The Landlord Answers, 'that's Ok. The People Upstairs Don't Walk Around That Much.'