I Wanted To Be A Brain Surgeon,

I Used To Go To The Improvisation Comedy Club Every Night In Times Square. How I Didn't Get Killed In That Area Either Means That 1) God Is Watching Over Me Or 2) I Am So Insignificant To God That He Didn't Bother Having Me Killed.

I Was The Class Podiatrist. I Never Made It To Class Clown. I Wasn't Funny Enough. I Would Examine Feet And Prescribe And Ointment. It Was A Sad Childhood.

In Real Life I'm A Tall, Blond Christian.

If I Could Cause World Peace By Taking Someone Out To Lunch, I'd Go, 'well, War Isn't That Terrible.'

Off-camera, I Sound Like Perry Como.