I Wanted To Be A Brain Surgeon,

A Landlord Is Showing A Couple Around An Apartment. The Husband Looks Up And Says, 'wait A Minute. This Apartment Doesn't Have A Ceiling.' The Landlord Answers, 'that's Ok. The People Upstairs Don't Walk Around That Much.'

With The Internet, If You Erase Something It Just Means You Have To Spend Another Half-minute To Find It.

There Are Certain Things I Don't Want To Joke About. If It's About Somebody Else, It's Fine. If It's About Me, I Think It's Totally Insensitive!

I'm Terrible When I Have To Fill Up Free Time. My Days, If I'm Not Working, I Wake Up And Figure Out A Way To Kill Time Until It's Time To Go To Sleep.

I'm One Of Those People, In Any Country I'm In, If Somebody Could Just Put Me In A Car Or A Bus, I'll Look Out The Window And Say, 'ok, There's The Tower Of London, There's Buckingham Palace, There's Big Ben,' And If It All Takes About Five Minutes, Perfect. I've Seen All Of It And I Can Go Home.