I Wanted To Be A Brain Surgeon,

I Always Felt Bad For Mother Teresa. Mother Teresa Lived A Whole Life Helping Starving Children And Dying Villages, But She Could Never Be Declared A Saint 'cause She Never Actually Performed A Miracle. And It Was Towards The End, She Was Desperate To Perform A Miracle, So She Would Go Up To Starving Children And Go, 'what's That Behind Your Ear? It's A Quarter!

I've Never Understood People Who Say They're Not A Practicing Jew. You Never Hear A Black Guy Say He's Not A Practicing African-american. What Does It Even Mean?

Well, I Play Jews And Parrots. Parrots Are How I've Branched Out.

I Always Try To Avoid Anything That Has To Do With My Life.

People Have Many Theories About Comedy, But Being Just Plain Funny Is The One Most Important Thing.