List of Dylan Moran Quotes

Now, I Meant To Talk About Something Else Earlier On, And I've Forgotten What It Was. I've Remembered What It Is Again, But I've Also Forgotten. And That's Really What Adult Life Is Like Most Of The Time.

I Draw Hundreds And Hundreds Of Pictures Of Sort Of Gnarly Looking Men, So I Don't Know What That Tells You. People Who Look Like... They're Waiting For A Sandwich That's Never Going To Come. I Don't Know What's Wrong With Me.

You're Supposed To Eat The Cows. They're Great Big Lumbering Stupid Things - They'd Be Everywhere If We Didn't Eat Them.

Men Look At Breasts The Way Women Look At Babies. 'aw, Isn't That Lovely?'

When You Say 'bedtime, Bedtime, Bedtime!' That's Not What The Child Hears. What The Child Hears Is 'lie Down In The Dark... For Hours... And Don't Move... I'm Locking The Door Now.'

Children Are Very Overprotected Now, In Lots Of Ways. We're Very Nervous About Them. You Know, People Go, "don't Go Outside! Or Inside! Get Into The Cupboard With Some Spinach!" When I Was A Child They'd Kick You Out And You Weren't Expected To Come Back Until There Were Bats!

Men Don't Know Anything! Men Don't Know When Their Lives Became So Entirely Awful, When Everyone Else Turned Into Such A Tosser! A Man Does Not Know How He Came By The Half A Pie He Is Holding In His Hand. And Scientists - Those Frauds - Seize On This, And Try To Use It As Proof Of The Mysteries Of Human Consciousness And The Unknowable Nature Of The Brain, Which Is Rubbish!

I Enjoy Performing, Always, But When You're Taping A Gig, You've Got To Blank Out This Mass Apparatus Of Self-consciousness That's Surrounding You, This Invitation To Drown In Self-consciousness. Otherwise You Just Won't Be Able To Do Anything.

There's Always A Host Of Voices You're Inspired By. I Love Don Delillo, And I Love Isaac Bashevis Singer, And I Love Beckett, And I Love Pinter. He's One Of The Funniest Voices In English Literature Since Dickens.

I Get A Phone Call Once Every 18 Months From Some Mad Person Who Wants Me To Do Something For Less Than No Money And They Give Me About A Week's Notice. That's My Film Career, Most Of The Time.

Vodka! That's A Child's Drink, Why Am I Drinking This Stupid Drink, Oh And Why Am I On A Traffic Island?

I Have To Say, As Much I Am Respectful Of People's Faith And The Idea Of It Being Necessary For Them, But When It Comes To The Catholic Church As An Organization I Don't Have One Scintilla Of Compassion, Understanding, Anything. I Just Think They're The Most Heinous, Corrupt, Separatingly Vile Organization That's Ever Been On The Planet.