I Want To Manufacture A Feud.

I Peed In My Wife's Boot Once. On Honeymoon, In Madrid, We Were Drinking Absinthe And Somehow Made It Back To Our Hotel. I Don't Remember A Second Of This, But My Wife Woke Up To This Noise. Two Of Her Boots Were In The Corner, One Had Fallen Down And The Other Was Standing Up And I Was Peeing Into It! It Was A Hole, And It Looked Like A Toilet. She Said: "rob, Wake Up, You're Peeing Into My Shoe!"

If You Have A Secret, People Will Sit A Little Bit Closer.

Ethanol Is, In Its Pure Form, Just As Much Of A Sham As Oil.

Stand-up Is A Real Art Form In Itself And One That I Really Think To Be Good At You Have To Devote Your Entire Life To. It's The Really, Really Good Ones That End Up Getting To Do The Things That I Like To Do: Movies, Tv Shows, And Stuff Like That. It's A Really Hard Gig And It Just Never Called To Me.

My Job Was Basically To Look At A Good Friend Completely Naked And Rub Lotion On Her Back. I Was Naked Too, But I Got To Put A Towel On Almost Immediately. So I Was Like, "well, This Is Going To Be Embarrassing, But It's Also Going To Be Kinda Awesome."