You'll Get My Assault Weapon When You

Sure, Retarded Jokes Write Themselves. But The Spelling Is Always Way Off.

On Twitter, When Someone Would Die, I Would Write A Joke. Or If There's A Tragedy, I Would Write A Joke And Tweet It. That Was My Thing, And Then At A Certain Point, People Started Demanding It.

About A Year After I Moved To Los Angeles, I Decided I Wanted To Be A Joke Writer For A Late Night Talk Show. So I Met With A Late Night Joke Writer And He Told Me That I Should Start By Doing Stand-up Comedy, Because That Would Really Hone My Sense Of Humor And Joke Writing Ability. Eventually I Took A Stand-up Class And A Few Months Later I Had A Seven-minute Act.

My Mom, For Most Of Her Life, Was A Holocaust Denier. And It Was Terrible For The Entire Family To Have To Deal With Until, Finally, A Couple Years Ago, We Had An Intervention. And We Had A Rabbi Come Into The Home, Had Him Walk Her Through The History Of The Jewish People, And Then He Made Her Watch "schindler's List." And After That, My Mom Did A Complete 180. Now She Can't Believe It Only Happened Once.

Every Comic Went Through Their Mitch Hedberg Phase - The Glasses, The Hair In The Face - And You Knew Immediately When They Were Doing It.