I Tried, It Was Hard, I Quit,

I Don't Mean To Get All Religious Here, But I'm Pretty Sure Key Lime Martinis (with A Graham Cracker & Sugar Rim) Are Proof That Jesus Loves Us.

You Think You're So Cool Just Because You Can Walk!

I Believe That I Have Such A Vanilla Life.

Seriously, Our Nation Is Never Going To Be On The Same Page On Issues Like Gun Control, Welfare, The Economy, The Environment, Etc. I Doubt We'll Ever Come To Terms On Tastes Great Or Less Filling And Hybrids Versus Hummers, And There Will Always Be Yankees Fans And Red Sox Fans, And Never The 'twain Shall Meet. Fortunately, All It Takes For Us To Be Of One Mind Is Some Buttercream Frosting.

You Know What It Was Like? It Was Like Thinking I Was Heading To A Surprise Party And Instead It Was A Surprise Pap Smear.