I Told My Wife She Looks Sexy

I Was With This Girl The Other Night And From The Way She Was Responding To My Skillful Caresses, You Would Have Sworn That She Was Conscious From The Top Of Her Head To The Tag On Her Toes.

I Think Of People As Members Of An Audience. But An Audience Acts Independently Of Every Individual. It's An Organism On Its Own. I Focus On That Living Hydra In The Dark.

Cell Phones Are Like A Dog's Nipples... You Don't Have To Shout Into Them!

The Scots Are A Very Tough People. They Have Drive-by Headbuttings. In Glasgow A Sweatband Is Considered A Silencer.

Charlie Chaplin Is The Greatest Artist Of The 20th Century. He Takes Me From Laughter To Tears In Seconds. And He Was One Of The Very First Funny Men. It's Like The Original Violins Were Made In Cremona And There's Never Been Any Better Since. Sometimes The Best Come Right Off The Bat.