I Told My Wife She Looks Sexy

There's A Joke In Everything, The Trick Is Finding It. The Best Compliment A Joke Can Get Is What Huxley Said About Darwin's Theory Of Evolution - 'why Didn't I Think Of That?'

You Know What I Hate The Most? People That Imitate Owls.

I Saw A Psychologist Once Because I Thought I Had Depression. It Cost Me $100. When I Left, I Realised That There's Nothing He Could Have Said That Would Cheer Me Up As Much As If I Found A $100 Bill On My Way Home.

I Got Some New Underwear The Other Day. Well, New To Me.

I Was Walking Down The Street. Something Caught My Eye, And Dragged It Fifteen Feet.