I Told My Wife A Man Is

With My Old Man I Got No Respect. I Asked Him, "how Can I Get My Kite In The Air?" He Told Me To Run Off A Cliff.

I'm At The Age Where Food Has Taken The Place Of Sex In My Life. In Fact, I've Just Had A Mirror Put Over My Kitchen Table.

With Girls I Get No Respect. A Belly Dancer Told Me I Turned Her Stomach.

I Don't Get No Respect. I Called Suicide Prevention. They Tried To Talk Me Into It.

When I Was Born I Was So Ugly The Doctor Slapped My Mother.