I Told My Doctor I Wonna Stop

He Found A New Way To Cover Up His Bad Breath. He Holds Up His Arms.

My Dog Learned How To Beg By Watching Me Through The Bedroom Door.

A Sense Of Humor Is Rare. It Isn't Telling A Joke About How There Are Three Ways To Get To Heaven. It's Being In A Restaurant And Hearing Someone Say, Everyone's Got Their Tale Of Woe, And Then Turning Around And Saying, Unfortunately, In Life, There's More Woe Than Tail.

My Only Thrill Is Self Inflicted Hickies.

When I Was A Kid I Got No Respect. The Time I Was Kidnapped, And The Kidnappers Sent My Parents A Note They Said, "we Want Five Thousand Dollars Or You'll See Your Kid Again."