I Think I've Lost 3lbs - I'm

Old Age' Is Always Ten Years More Than We Are.

If You Laugh At It, You Can Deal With It.

There Is Not One Female Comic Who Was Beautiful As A Little Girl.

Because I'm The Only Performer Who Comes Out And Says I've Had Plastic Surgery, I've Become The Plastic Surgery Poster Girl, Which Is Hilarious, Because Everybody Has Done It And They All Deny It. They Stand There, Like The Bride Of Frankenstein, They've All Got Stitches, And They All Say, 'i've Done Nothing.' I Talk About It.

At My Funeral, I Want Meryl Streep Crying In Five Different Accents.