I Tell Very Mean Jokes.

I've Got A Kid In Africa That I Feed, That I Clothe, That I School, That I Inoculate For 75 Cents A Day. Which Is Practically Nothing Compared To What It Cost To Send Him There.

Every Sunday My Dad Calls To Ask If I Went To Church. And Every Sunday I Lie And Say: Sorry. Wrong Number.

I Will Never Understand How A Mother Can Kill Her Own Baby And Not Get Away With It.

The Best Way To Break Up With A Girl Is Like I'm Taking Off A Band-aid. Slowly And In The Shower.

It's Always Difficult When Someone Close To You Passes Away. But It's Really Tough When They're On Top Of You.