An Offended Audience Member Repeating A Comedian's

My Girlfriend Was Just Killed In A Car Accident. Devastating. I Can't Believe I'm Only Going To Have Sex With Her One More Time.

I Think The Reason I Became Funny Was Because If I Made People Laugh, They Would Let Me Keep Talking.

I Actually Never Acted On "deadwood." I Have Meetings All The Time Where People Look At My Imdb Page And See That I Played The Part Of "accounting Clerk" On Deadwood. Actually, I Was The Accounting Clerk For Production Of "deadwood."

I'm Not A Comedy Writer, I'm A Comedian, So I Only Write Stuff That I Would Want To Say.

I Don't Want To Wake Up With Cops Surrounding My Bed Tonight.