I Saw A Transvestite Wearing A T-shirt

The Shortest Distance Between Two Idiots Is A Conga Line.

I've Heard Of Many Chocoholics, But I Ain't Never Seen No "chocohol". We Got An Epidemic, People: People Who Like Chocolate But Don't Understand Word Endings. They're Probably "over-workaholled".

My Friend Named His Car. And I Don't Want To Be Judgemental, But... What A Dork.

I Need To Develop Some Patience - Immediately.

A Straw Enables You To Drink Without Using Your Wrist. A Straw Is Your Friend - Until You Lose Eye Contact With The Straw. Then It Will Betray You And Make You Look Like An Idiot.