I Saw A Human Pyramid Once. It

Mitch”, But Then Reattach It And Call It “mitch-all-together.

I Used To Be A Hot-tar Roofer. Yeah, I Remember That... Day.

I Got A Business Card Because I Wanna Win Some Lunches. That's What My Business Card Says: Mitch Hedberg, Potential Lunch Winner. Gimme A Call, Maybe We'll Have Lunch. If I'm Lucky!

I Wanted To Buy A Candle Holder, But The Store Didn't Have One. So I Got A Cake.

If Spiderman Was Real, And I Was A Criminal, And He Shot Me With His Web, I Would Say, "dude, Thanks For The Hammock."