I Remember Saying In College That I

My Mother Was Very, Very Protestant. I Grew Up Presbyterian, And I Went To Church Every Sunday Until I Was 18. I Was Forced To.

I Touched An Oscar Once. Friend Of Mine Has One, For Writing. As Soon As I Touched It, He Said, Now You'll Never Win One.

I Get All Of My Comedy From Cnn.

I Peed In My Wife's Boot Once. On Honeymoon, In Madrid, We Were Drinking Absinthe And Somehow Made It Back To Our Hotel. I Don't Remember A Second Of This, But My Wife Woke Up To This Noise. Two Of Her Boots Were In The Corner, One Had Fallen Down And The Other Was Standing Up And I Was Peeing Into It! It Was A Hole, And It Looked Like A Toilet. She Said: "rob, Wake Up, You're Peeing Into My Shoe!"

Sometimes We Have To Actually Say, I Think You're Really Funny, But None Of Your Jokes Are Going To Make It On The Air. So Just Answer My Questions. Seriously.