I Pride Myself On Being The Guy

I'm A Nerd. I'm A Little Guy... The Last Guy You'd Expect In A Romantic Movie.

I Took My Alds Test. You Start Reflecting... You Start Thinking About Every Nasty, Skank-ass... It's Like The Movie Scrooge, And The Ghost Of Pussy Past Comes.

Every Comedian Has A Moment In His Life When He Realizes He's A Little Bit Different From Everyone Else. It's Like Being The Only Guy In A Movie Who Sees The Ghost. The Ghost Talks To You And You Talk To Him. Then You Turn To Your Friend And Say, "hey. Do You See That Ghost? And He Says, What Ghost?"

I Don't Write Jokes First. I Write Down Topics. I Think Of What I Want To Talk About, And Then I Write The Jokes - They Don't Write Me... And Even If You Don't Think It's Funny, You Won't Think It's Boring. You Might Disagree, But You'll Listen. And Maybe Even Laugh As You Disagree.

If You Told Me Two Years I Would Miss The Greatest Basketball Game Ever To Hang Out With Nathan Lane, I'd Say, 'you're Crazy!'