God Bless America. And No Place Else.

Tomorrow Is More Sure Than Just About Anything Else In The Entire World.

Success Is Just Hanging Out With My Kids. I Mean, I Always Say If You Have Options, You're Rich. To Me, Success Is The Fact That Hey, I Just Did A Movie And Maybe I'll Do Some Stand Up, Maybe I'll Will Write A Book Or Maybe I Will Do A Play.

For Me, Anything Goes When I Pick Up A Mike. I'm Not Trying To Hurt People - I Try Not To Get Too Personal - But I Look At Myself As A Reporter. If You Can Report On Anything That Has To Do With Pop Culture, Then Why Can't I Make Jokes About It? Yes, It Hurts. But I Figure That Laughter Sometimes Starts From Pain. You Might Wince, But Then I Know That I'm Doing My Job. The Only Thing I Can Do Wrong Is Not Be Funny.

Early In My Career It Was Very Important That I Gain The Reputation. I Haven't Been On The Road In Two Or Three Years, But When I Say Tickets Are On Sale, I Know They're Going To Be Gone, Even If My Movie Bombed Or My Tv Show Sucked.

After I Left High School And Got My Ged, I Studied Broadcast Journalism For A Year At A Community College.