George Bush Hates Midgets.

When You're Making A Real Documentary, You Shoot It And The Movie Happens. You Don't Make - This Sounds Corny - You Don't Make A Documentary, A Documentary Makes You. It Really Does.

Dude, I Didn't Say Jude Law Can't Act. I Didn't Say Jude Law Was In Bad Movies. I Just Said He's In Every Movie.

Men Lie The Most, Women Tell The Biggest Lies.

If You're Black, You Got To Look At America A Little Bit Different. You Got To Look At America Like The Uncle Who Paid For You To Go To College, But Who Molested You.

I'm Like The Hulk On Stage. It's Way Over The Top. That's Bizarro Chris. Sometimes I Get Off Stage And Go What Did I Say?! I'll Watch One Of My Stand-up Specials A Year Later And Go Eww, That Was Mean.