George Bush Hates Midgets.

Who's Judging American Idol? Paula Abdul? Paula Abdul Judging A Singing Contest Is Like Christopher Reeve Judging A Dance Contest!

Men Do Not Settle Down. Men Surrender.

Even If You Meet The Perfect Person, It Ain’t Gonna Be At The Perfect Time. You’re Married, They’re Single. That’s Right. You’re Jewish, They’re Palestinian. You’re A Mexican, They’re A Raccoon. You’re A Black Woman, He’s A Black Man.

The Two Best Things You Can Do For A Person Is Have Sex Or Make Them Laugh.

Relationships, Easy To Get Into, Hard To Maintain. Why Are They So Hard To Maintain? Because It’s Hard To Keep Up The Lie! ‘cause You Can’t Get Nobody Being You. You Got To Lie To Get Somebody. You Can’t Get Nobody Looking Like You Look, Acting Like You Act, Sounding Like You Sound. When You Meet Somebody For The First Time, You’re Not Meeting Them. You’re Meeting Their Representative!