I Only Know Two Pieces; One Is

Occasionally, A Finger Comes Up To Wipe A Tear [of Laughter] From The Eye... And That's My Reward... The Rest Goes To The Government.

The Difference Between A Violin And A Viola Is That A Viola Burns Longer.

It (the Double-clarinet In India) Was Primarily Used For Snake Charming, Since The Snake Would Do Almost Anything To Get The Indians To Stop Playing It.

(responding To A Sneeze From The Audience) Who Exploded?

He Was Happily Married - But His Wife Wasn't.