I Only Know Two Pieces; One Is

Always Remember To Forget The Things That Made You Sad, But Never Forget To Remember The Things That Made You Glad.

If I Have Caused Just One Person To Wipe Away A Tear Of Laughter, That's My Reward.

What Is The Difference Between A Nazi And A Dog?the Nazi Lifts His Arm.

The Conductor Is A Peculiar Person. He Turns His Back On His Friends In The Audience, Shakes A Stick At His Players In The Orchestra, And Then Wonders Why Nobody Loves Him.

Clarinets, Like Lawyers, Have Cases, Mouthpieces, And They Need A Constant Supply Of Hot Air In Order To Function.