You Want Something By Bach? Which One,

And Now, In Honour Of The 150th Anniversary Of Beethoven's Death, I Would Like To Play 'clear The Saloon', Er, 'clair De Lune', By Debussy. I Don't Play Beethoven So Well, But I Play Debussy Very Badly, And Beethoven Would Have Liked That.

Laughter Is The Closest Distance Between Two People.

The Conductor Is A Peculiar Person. He Turns His Back On His Friends In The Audience, Shakes A Stick At His Players In The Orchestra, And Then Wonders Why Nobody Loves Him.

I Don't Mind Growing Old. I'm Just Not Used To It.

(responding To A Sneeze From The Audience) Who Exploded?