I Once Fisted Two Babies And Then

I Procrastinate So Much And I Get Distracted By Anything.

Sometimes Sarah [chalke] Starts To Talk About Iraq Or Whatever And She Gets All Excited, Like I Actually Give A Crap What She's Saying. Come On, She's A Woman. But Still, It's Very Cute.

I Lot Of People Remember When That Kid Spray-painted My Brand New Porsche For Punk'd. That Was Pretty Funny. He Got Me Pretty Good. Of Course, Most People Don't Know I Eventually Got Him Back With My Own Show. I Call It A Show, Really It's Just An Hour-long Video Shot In My Bedroom Featuring The Two Of Us.

It's Not Terrible, I Guess, But If Ricky Gervais Was Half As Talented As Me, Maybe The Show Would Actually Be Funny Once In A While.

Everyone Has An Idea That They Think Would Be A Great Movie. Everyone Has A Cousin Who They Think You Should Work With.