I'm Kind Of Jealous Of The Life

I Mean, Nobody's Ever Thrown A Big Rock At Me Or My Friends, But We're All Pretty Tough Guys And Could Probably Handle It.

I Lot Of People Remember When That Kid Spray-painted My Brand New Porsche For Punk'd. That Was Pretty Funny. He Got Me Pretty Good. Of Course, Most People Don't Know I Eventually Got Him Back With My Own Show. I Call It A Show, Really It's Just An Hour-long Video Shot In My Bedroom Featuring The Two Of Us.

I Like The Punch Beggers And Panhandlers When They Ask Me For Change. I Feel Like I Am Doing My Part To Clean Up The Streets.

Every Time I See A Child Walking Down The Street I Like To Trip Them. While They Look For Their Missing Teeth, I Personally Remind Them That No Matter How Hard They Try I Will Always Be Better Than Them.

If I Had A Billion Dollars I Would...oh Wait...already Do.