I Never Go Jogging, It Makes Me

People Ask Me What I'd Most Appreciate Getting For My Eighty-seventh Birthday. I Tell Them, A Paternity Suit.

In Show Business The Key Word Is Honesty. Once You've Learned To Fake That, The Rest Is Easy.

And God Said 'let There Be Satan, So People Don't Blame Everything On Me. And Let There Be Lawyers, So People Don't Blame Everything On Satan.'

People Are Always Asking Me How Much I'm Worth. Well, All I Can Say Is, I've Got Enough Money To Last Me The Rest Of My Life. As Long As I Die In The Next 20 Minutes.

If You Live To Be One Hundred, You've Got It Made. Very Few People Die Past That Age.