I Love The Day Date. No Wine,

One Day I Was Watching These Construction Workers Go Back To Work. I Was Watching Them Kind Of Trudging Down The Street. It Was Like A Revelation To Me. I Realized These Guys Don’t Want To Go Back To Work After Lunch. But They’re Going. That’s Their Job. If They Can Exhibit That Level Of Dedication For That Job I Should Be Able To Do The Same. Trudge Your Ass In.

All Magic Is 'here’s A Quarter, Now It’s Gone. You’re A Jerk. Now It’s Back. You’re An Idiot. Show’s Over.'

Ever Noticed That No Matter What Happens In One Day, It Exactly Fits In The Newspaper?

All I Ever Wanted To Do Is Make People Laugh.

I Like Definitive Things.