All I Ever Wanted To Do Is

Seems To Me The Basic Conflict Between Men And Women, Sexually, Is That Men Are Like Firemen. To Men, Sex Is An Emergency, And No Matter What We're Doing We Can Be Ready In Two Minutes. Women, On The Other Hand, Are Like Fire. They're Very Exciting, But The Conditions Have To Be Exactly Right For It To Occur.

I Am Speechless: I Have No Speech

Our Good Time Is Sitting In A Coffee Shop With A Newspaper, Writing A Line On The Back Of A Napkin. That Is The Most Fun Comedians Ever Have

All Magic Is 'here’s A Quarter, Now It’s Gone. You’re A Jerk. Now It’s Back. You’re An Idiot. Show’s Over.'

I Do Not Know Why Anyone Would Host An Awards Show. No Matter How Unbelievably Well You Do At It, The Only Thing That Can Happen Is You Get Asked Again To Host An Awards Show.