All I Ever Wanted To Do Is

There Are More Social Skills Required To Talk One-on-one [than To An Audience]. You Don't Have To Be Socially Fluid To Talk To Two Thousand People.

Did You Ever Notice, When You Are Sitting At A Red Light, That When The Person In Front Of You Pulls Up A Couple Of Inches, You Are Compelled To Move Up Too? Do We Really Think We Are Making Progress Toward Our Destination? "whew, I Thought We Would Be Late, But Now That I Am Nine Inches Closer, I Can Stop For Coffee And A Danish!"

Cremation Has Become The Most Popular Form Of Burial In The United States... People Used To Want A Big, Thick Granite Stone, Their Names Carved Into With A Chisel. I Was Here Dammit! Cremation Is Like You're Trying To Cover Up A Crime. Burn The Body. Scatter The Ashes Around. As Far As Anyone's Concerned This Whole Thing Never Happened.

Of Course, Everyone Wants To Be Healthy. The Amusing Thing Is No One's Really Sure How To Do It.

The Idea Behind The Tuxedo Is The Woman's Point Of View That Men Are All The Same; So We Might As Well Dress Them That Way. That's Why A Wedding Is Like The Joining Together Of A Beautiful, Glowing Bride And Some Guy. The Tuxedo Is A Wedding Safety Device, Created By Women Because They Know That Men Are Undependable. So In Case The Groom Chickens Out, Everybody Just Takes One Step Over, And She Marries The Next Guy.