All Magic Is 'here’s A Quarter, Now

You Know, Crankiness Is At The Essence Of All Comedy.

Have You Ever Noticed That The Waiter Who Takes Your Order Is Not The One Who Brings Your Food Anymore? What Is That About? And Which Waiter Are You Tipping, Anyway? I Think Next Time I Go To A Restaurant I'll Just Say, "oh, Sorry, I Only Eat The Food. The Guy Who Pays The Bill Will Be Along Shortly."

I Do Not Know Why Anyone Would Host An Awards Show. No Matter How Unbelievably Well You Do At It, The Only Thing That Can Happen Is You Get Asked Again To Host An Awards Show.

Would Somebody Please Explain To Me Those Signs That Say, "no Animals Allowed Except For Seeing Eye Dogs?" Who Is That Sign For? Is It For The Dog, Or The Blind Person?

I Am So Busy Doing Nothing... That The Idea Of Doing Anything - Which As You Know, Always Leads To Something - Cuts Into The Nothing And Then Forces Me To Have To Drop Everything.