I Live In L.a., I Go On

She Broke Up With Me. Didn't Really Tell Me Why. Luckily When You're The Guy, You Can Just Tell People She's Crazy. 'hey, Tom, I Heard You And Lucy Broke Up.' 'yeah, Man. Turns Out, She's Crazy.' That's What They Always Do On Entourage.

So Many Gay Jokes Tonight About (james) Franco. Apparently If You're Clean, Well Dressed And Mildly Cultured, You're Super Gay Now. Is That Why The Rest Of You Guys Are So Aggressively Fat And Dirty? You Think If You Read One Book And Take A Shower, Dicks Are Going To Just Fly Into Your Face.

If Your Job Was Remotely Interesting, There Would Be A Show On A&e About It.

Being A Rapper Is About Being Cool, But Being A Comedian, You're Not Supposed To Be The Coolest Guy.

When I'm Dating Someone, I Have A List Called My 'oh No Nos.' If A Woman Commits A Oh No No, It Can End The Relationship. Not Loving '90s R&b Music Is #3 On The Oh No Nos List. Girl Don't Even Know Who Ginuwine Is.