I Like To Write A Joke Without

When People Come Over To My House For Dinner, I Always Have A Vegetarian Option. They Can Make Do, Or They Can **** Off!

All Comedians Are A Bit Attention-seeking And I'm No Different. Anyone With The Audacity To Want To Be Listened To For An Hour And A Half Must Be.

My Dad's Dying Wish Was To Have His Family Around Him. I Can't Help Thinking He Would Have Been Better Off With More Oxygen.

It Had To Be Hammered Home Quite A Bit Because I Didn't See Any Humour In My Life At All.

I Did A Gig In The U.s. Once For The Homeless. I Said 'it's Nice To See So Many Bums On Seats.'