I Like To Read, But Otherwise I'm

My Girlfriend Is Upset About Her New Haircut. I Don't Understand Why She's Crying. I'm The One Who Has To Get A New Girlfriend.

Everyone Gets Laid Off And Everyone In Hollywood Gets Unemployment For Six Months While They're Looking For A New Job. So I Would Just Do Stand-up For Six Months And Think I Was Really Making It, And When My Unemployment Ran Out, I Had To Get Another Job Immediately.

I Had Written For Jimmy Kimmel And Sarah Silverman In The Past. Jimmy Had A Different Voice, And Different Priorities. He Couldnt Be The Bad Guy In The Joke; He Couldnt Upset People, Really.

I Can't Talk Politics With My Cousin Because He's Such A Hypocrite. He's Against The Death Penalty And He Hanged Himself.

I Know Her In The Biblical Senseand When I Say That, I Mean I Don't Believe A Word She Says.