I Got Into Comedy Because I Wanted

I Like To Play Pranks On My Girlfriend, You Know, Keep Things Fresh For Me, Make Me Laugh, You Know? She Hates It. But Like, The Other Night, I Put Saran Wrap Over The Toilet Seat, You Know, Which Doesn't Sound That Original, But She's Bulimic.

Valentine's Day Was Created By The Greeting Card Industry To Get Pussy.

Hitler Really Wasn't So Bad. In The Black Way.

My Girlfriend Wants An Open Relationship. I Said No Way. What Kind Of Man Would I Be If I Had To Tell My Friends I Date You?

Sure, Retarded Jokes Write Themselves. But The Spelling Is Always Way Off.