I Got Into Comedy Because I Wanted

My Girlfriend Makes Me Want To Be A Better Person... So I Can Get A Better Girlfriend.

Tom Cruise's Pre-nup Lets Him Keep His Money, The Kids And Katie Holmes.

I'm Getting Pretty Worried. My Girlfriend Hasn't Gotten Her Period. And She's Already 14.

I Had Written For Jimmy Kimmel And Sarah Silverman In The Past. Jimmy Had A Different Voice, And Different Priorities. He Couldnt Be The Bad Guy In The Joke; He Couldnt Upset People, Really.

I Think My Friends Wife Has Been Banging A Black Guy. Because They Just Had A Baby. And The Baby Had A Hole In It.