I Like To Play Chess With Bald

Even The Worst Comic Is At Least Somewhat Entertaining, If Only In A Pathological Way, For Five Minutes.

Every Time I See Dan Quayle I Feel Like Buying A Vowel.

I Used To Get Drunk Every Night Until I Puked. Finally I Admitted, "i Am A Bulemic".

I Learned About Sex The Hard Way... From Books.

I Started Doing Stand-up At The Age Of 20. This Was Back In 1976, Around The Time (coincidence?) That The First Comedy Clubs Were Starting. The Young Comedians Of Today Gasp When I Tell Them How Many Shows I Did That First Year: 500. Five Nights A Week.