I Like Champagne Because It Always Tastes

People Who Live In Glass Houses Have To Wash Their Windows All The Time.

This Is What Makes Me Happy: Remembering Where I Put My House Keys.

When I Got To The Hospice I Was Under The Impression It Would Be A Two- Or Three-week Stay. But Here I Still Am, Six Weeks Later, And I've Gotten So Well Medicare Won't Pay For Me Anymore.

This Is A Wonderful Way To Celebrate An 80th Birthday... I Wanted To Be 65 Again, But They Wouldn't Let Me - Homeland Security.

This Is Not An Easy Time For Humorists Because The Government Is Far Funnier Than We Are.