I Know The Bible Isn't Real Because

I Mean, I Know Thousands Of People Died And Everything, But If It Happened Today, There's Just No Excuse. They'd Be Much Safer Inside A Movie Theater Watching One Of My Movies Instead Of Burning Alive In A Collapsing Skyscraper.

Is 'garden State' The Next 'citizen Kane'? Of Course Not. I'd Like To Think We Aimed A Little Higher Than That, Frankly.

A Kid Came Up To Me The Other Day And Said, 'hey, You're The Guy On Scrubs!' Kid, I Am Scrubs, And Don't You Forget It.

One Time This Guy On The Street Wanted Me To Give Him A Medical Opinion, Because I'm A Doctor On Tv. I'm Also A Real Doctor. But I'm Also Zack Braff, So I Kicked Him In The Groin.

I Don't Belive Oprah's Sexual Abuse Stories, I Mean Who Would Take A Black Girl When There Are Plenty Of White?