I Haven't Reached Nirvana Yet, But I've

What A Day. It's 53 And Gloomy - Like President Obama.

Now All Of Us Can Talk To The Nsa -- Just By Dialing Any Number.

Public Service Announcement: In Case Of A Terrorist Attack, Bottled Water And Duct Tape Are Not Going To Do A Damn Thing. So Do What Homeland Security Dir. Tom Ridge Does: Get Really Drunk, And Pick Up A Hooker.

A Small Handgun Makes Any Tv Remote Control.

I Have Found That The Only Thing That Does Bring You Happiness Is Doing Something Good For Somebody Who Is Incapable Of Doing It For Themselves.