Our Guest Tonight Is Michelle Obama, First

Hillary Clinton Is Now In Iowa. She's Spending Every Waking Minute Of Her Day Meeting Ordinary People, And It's To Prepare Her For A Job In Which She Will Never Again Meet An Ordinary Person.

The Catholic Church Has A Tough New Policy On Child Molestors: Three Strikes And You're A Cardinal.

Public Service Announcement: In Case Of A Terrorist Attack, Bottled Water And Duct Tape Are Not Going To Do A Damn Thing. So Do What Homeland Security Dir. Tom Ridge Does: Get Really Drunk, And Pick Up A Hooker.

Hillary Clinton Is Driving Across Iowa In A Van. It's To Get To Know The People She'll Never, Ever See Again In Her Life.

Sarah Palin Had A Big Op-ed Piece In The Wall Street Journal, And She Said She's Against Death Panels. And I Thought, 'really? She's The One Who Pulled The Plug On The Mccain Campaign.'