I Haven't Been Hit Since Leon Spinks

The Whole Thing About Working In Front Of The Camera Is To Make People Laugh When They're Not Supposed To.

I Think If You Come Out To California Trying To Be An Actor, It's Pretty Hard. There's Desperation. A Lot Of People Are Desperate, And A Lot Of People Are Clueless, Including Me. It's Hard To Try To Figure It Out. I've Never Told You, But I Have Head Shots That If You Saw Them... They're So Terrible! It's So Embarrassing.

I Would Have Changed My Last Name If Being Famous Were My Goal.

Four Years Ago On This Very Day I Tried To Take My Own Life. And I Said, "zach, Do It In Front Of Your Co-workers And End The Misery." I Don't Know How Many Of You Ever Tried To Jump Off Of A Pizza Hut, But You'll Just Get A Sprained Ankle Out Of The Deal. Then You'll Have To Go Back Inside, And Serve Crazy Bread.

I'd Like To Do A Reality Show With Four White People...who Are Dropped Off In A Really Bad Black Neighborhood. And The Show Would Be Called...cracker Hunt.