I Haven't Been Hit Since Leon Spinks

I Try To Write Three Jokes Every Day. I Don't Sit Down And Write Them, It's Just Things That Pop Into My Head. Then I'll Go Watch It Fail Onstage That Night.

I Know My Face Is Turning Red. I Don't Want You To Interpret It As Being Embarrassed. It's Rage. The Color Of My Face Is Rage.

I Don't Know What My Assistant Would Do Besides Get Me Pot.

I'm Terrible At Heights. I Hate It. I'm Glad I'm Only 5'7".

I Think Comedy Is A Really, Really Good Tool For Trying To Say Something.