I Have Been Tight As A Tick!

Whatever You Have Read I Have Said Is Almost Certainly Untrue, Except If It Is Funny, In Which Case I Definitely Said It.

All My Life I've Been Terrible At Remembering People's Names. I Once Introduced A Friend Of Mine As Martini. Her Name Was Actually Olive.

Wracked With A Hangover I Do My Muttering Over A Black Velvet, A Union Of Champagne And Stout. Don't Be Swindled Into Believing There's Any Cure For A Hangover. I've Tried Them All: Iced Tomatoes, Hot Clam Juice, Brandy Peaches. Like The Common Cold It Defies Solution. Time Alone Can Stay It. The Hair Of The Dog? That Way Lies Folly. It's As Logical As Trying To Put Out A Fire With Applications Of Kerosene.

I Have Been Absolutely Hag-ridden With Ambition. If I Could Wish To Have Anything In The World It Would Be To Be Free Of Ambition.

I'm Not Childless, Darling. I Am Childfree.