I Have A Pacemaker In, But It

I Have A Pacemaker In, But It Doesn't Work Very Well, Because Every Time I Fart The Garage Door Opens.

Men Only Go For Skinny Women Because They're Too Weak To Argue - And Salads Are Cheap.

My Uncle Jimmy Took Liver Salts Twice A Day For 40 Years. He Died On Sunday, Was Buried Wednesday And The Following Friday They Had To Go To The Cemetery To Beat His Liver To Death With A Stick.

My Irish Mate Told Me, If You File Down The Edges Of A 50 Pence Piece, You Can Use It As A 10p.

What's The Difference Between My Wife And A Terrorist? You Can Negotiate With A Terrorist.