I Have A Pacemaker In, But It

This Is Frank Carson, News At Ten, Sober.

I Was In A Panto Last Year, Aladdin And The Wonderful Lamp. I Played The Wick. I Got The Sack Because I Was Too Well-oiled Every Night.

Frank Once Slipped Something Into The Pocket Of A Luggage Handler At The Airport And Said: "have A Drink On Me." The Luggage Handler Later Found Out It Was A Tea Bag.

A Girl Asks Her Doctor, "doctor, I've Forgotten To Take My Contradictory Pill!" The Doctor Says: "are You Ignorant?" The Girl Says: "yes, Three Months!"

There Were Two Irishmen Eating Sandwiches In A Pub And The Landlord Said: "you Can't Eat Your Own Food In Here." So They Swapped Sandwiches.