I Have A Daughter Who I Love

Maybe I'm Delusional But I'm Usually Funny. It's Not 100% But I Have A Pretty Good Batting Average.

You Shouldn't Be Eating Anything That Takes Six Minutes To Microwave.

If You Are Tuning In Just For The Show, You're Going To Be Sorely Disappointed.

You Don't Realize How Much You Use Your Credit Card Not Even To Buy Things. It's A Card You Get So You Can Navigate Society.

Everyone Keeps Saying, "oh My God, Oh My God, How Intimidating." It's Like Saying, "how Could You Date Jennifer Aniston After She's Been With Brad Pitt?" I Don't Care.