I Had No Desire To Be A

I Can See Close Up And My Husband Can See Far Away, So We're Covered. He Tells Me Who's In The Movie And I Tell Him What's In His Sandwich. Together We're Human Bifocals.

I Work For Myself, Which Is Fun. Except When I Call In Sick, I Know I'm Lying.

My Husband Gave Me A Necklace. It's Fake. I Requested Fake. Maybe I'm Paranoid, But In This Day And Age, I Don't Want Something Around My Neck That's Worth More Than My Head.

Men Don't Mature. Marry A Younger One.

Don't Try To Teach Men How To Do Anything In Public. They Can Learn In Private; In Public They Have To Know.