I Had Lived In Fear Of The

You Know, Where I Come From, An Antique, To Be Called An Antique, It Has To Be At Least A Hundred Years Old. That's A Law: Before You Can Call Something An Antique, It Has To Be A Hundred Years Old. In L.a., Something That's Been Around For A Couple Of Weeks Is An Antique. It's True! People Are Like, Look At This Old-fashioned Ipod. Look At This! It's The Size Of A Man's Hand! Ha Ha Ha Ha. Back Then-back Then, People Thought Mel Gibson Was Just Acting Crazy. It Was A Very Different Time.

Insiders Say Obama's Pretty Comfortable Around Actors. He Should Be. He Has Been 'acting' Like He Was Born In Hawaii For A Long Time.

Strange Star-like Object Over Oslo Right Before Obama Arrives. A Gift Of A Golden Medal Given By A Group Of Wise Men... Nah.

I Have A Deep And Profound Mistrust Of All Politicians.

My Mother Was Tickled And I Think Kind Of Proud When My Father Got Hit On My An Attractive Middle-aged Asian Lady Who Hadn't Noticed He Was With His Family. He Was Certainly Pleased About It.