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The First Day Of Spring Is Known As The Vernal Equinox. The Equinox Is Special. It Only Happens Twice A Year, Like A Good Night In Ratings For Nbc.

Anyone Who's Just Driven 90 Yards Against Huge Men Trying To Kill Them Has Earned The Right To Do Jazz Hands.

Some People Watching Cnn Were So Shocked They Started Rioting. No, I'm Kidding. No One Watches Cnn.

I Love The United States. I Have Applied For Citizenship. I Want To Take The Oath Of Allegiance On Tv.

Here In California, We Passed A Law Against Texting While Driving. But There's No Law Preventing You From Writing A Letter While Driving.