I Am Probably A Pseudo-intellectual.

Justin Bieber's Tour Bus Was Stopped By Canadian Border Patrol Agents. And They Found Marijuana. The Agents Said Bieber Was A Disgrace To Canada And Should Never Come Back. Then They Found The Marijuana.

Scientists Say Over The Next Hundred Years, The Coast Of California Will Sink Almost Five Feet. So The Presidential Candidates Need To Do Something. Mitt Romney Is Conflicted. On One Hand, He Denies That Global Warming Exists. But If California Is Under Water, He Would Definitely Win The Next Election.

Everything I Think Of Now Is Too Rude To Actually Say.

All They Teach You In Drama School Is How To Do Stage Fights And Be A Pain In Rehearsals.

I Think Comedy Comes More From A Low Sense Of Self-esteem, And I Certainly Have That.