Cell Phones Are Like A Dog's Nipples...

Always Remember The Last Words Of My Grandfather, Who Said: 'a Truck!'

I Go To Pick Up A Girl In A Bar. I Say Will You Go Home With Me? She Says I Don't Know, Do You Have Cable? I Say No, But The Rope Should Work Just Fine.

Probably The Toughest Time In Anyone's Life Is When You Have To Murder A Loved One Because They're The Devil.

Christmas Seems To Start Earlier And Earlier Every Year. Like, This Time, It's On December 25th.

Sometimes My Mother Goes Through My Socks And Underwear. I Wouldn't Mind, But It Tickles So Much!