Cell Phones Are Like A Dog's Nipples...

I'm Not Catholic, But I Gave Up Picking My Belly Button For Lint.

My Sister Gained 80 Pounds Expecting Her Baby. Well, You Get Nervous, Waiting For Those Adoption Papers To Clear.

My Girlfriend Told Me That She Was Seeing Another Man. I Told Her To Rub Her Eyes.

If An Asteroid Is Coming Toward You, You Don't Have To Blow It Up. You Just Have To Slow It Down Long Enough For Our Country To Rotate Out Of The Way.

I Was Walking Down The Street. Something Caught My Eye, And Dragged It Fifteen Feet.