I Go Around The Country And Do

My Girlfriend Said She Wanted Me To Tease Her, So I Said "alright, Fatty."

If I'm At Home For The Weekend - And That Is Almost Never - I Tend To Get Twitchy At About Eight O'clock In The Evening Because My Body Clock Is Timed To Go On Stage. I Don't Know What To Do With Myself.

Even If You're Doing The National Insurance Awards, There's Still That Excitement When You Wonder Who Is Going To Win, Er, Best Premiums.

I Have No Problems With Buying Tampons. I Am A Fairly Modern Man. But Apparently They're Not A "proper" Present. "happy Birthday, Mum!"

But What's True About Comedians Is That We've All Got A Huge Hole In Our Personality. In A Room Of 3,000 People, We're The One Person Facing In The Opposite Direction - Yet We Have This Overwhelming Desire To Be Liked.