I Find Human Contact Repulsive.

I'd Much Rather Be On Stage Talking To A Couple Of Retards For Twenty Bucks Than Sitting At My Desk Thinking Up Jokes For...well Let's Say A Few Dollars More.

Whenever Something Good Happens To Me, It's Usually Followed By Something Terrible.

Most People Are Completely Unaware Of Their Breath. They Violate Your Space, They Have No Idea That They Have Halitosis.

I Had A Wonderful Childhood, Which Is Tough Because It's Hard To Adjust To A Miserable Adulthood.

I Think That For The Most Part, When I Started Doing Comedy, It Had Become Very Commercialized.